I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Randomize
