as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
