it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think my fart just growled at me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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