You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
