I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
