Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
