Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
