she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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