Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
