take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
