My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
did i just pee glitter
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
