Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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