Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
