i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
