Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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