my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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