How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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