If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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