So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
