After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
