..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
