My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
