Don't make out with my wife yet
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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