Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
