before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
