This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
