he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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