I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
