I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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