It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
