OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
