trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
