I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
