atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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