Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
