my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
