is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
