My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
