You're my little dorito
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
