I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize