I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
