i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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