he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
