for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
