Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Randomize
