He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
