youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize