erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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