never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
