I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
