I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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