she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she looked like the before picture.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize