and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
