You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
