I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
