So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
