He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
