I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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