I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
