We're facebook friends in real life
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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