here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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