I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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