After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
