someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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