And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
