Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
