you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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