Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize