lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
