Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
