he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
