girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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