the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
