Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
