Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
