some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your penis caused this!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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