mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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