i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
