Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
