new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
