Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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