I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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