were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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