no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
accomplished twins. life is a go
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
