everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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