Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
