I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
they need to just BURY HIM!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
