Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
