Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sponge bath it is.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
