i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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