I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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