I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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