The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
