her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
