Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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