toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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