My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
