Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
